100 Calories or Not... Chips Ahoy, You Are My Weakness

Crap.  Crap, crap, crap.  I forgot how hard it is to maintain this lifestyle when you have a significant other.  In the past, even though both times I descended the weight train successfully I was seeing someone, I didn't live with them and didn't have to watch them eat all the time.

I figured out tonight why I gained so much freaking weight.  My husband has the appetite of a bear and the metabolism of a supermodel.  Seriously, he can eat anything... and he does.  It's hard to be in the same room with him, especially at night and when I've chosen not to eat anything, without wanting to eat, too.

For the last two nights, he has sat on the couch and ate multiple string cheeses, chips, and either ice cream cones or Haagan Dahz.  He doesn't just eat it either, he slowly savors it.  It's like watching food porn.  Each string cheese is pulled apart slowly and eaten seductively, and the ice cream is slowly licked from the spoon.  Funny thing is, he doesn't even notice he is doing it.

I've talked to him about it before.  How it's not fair that when I have to be on a diet (especially since he is one that really wants me to lose weight... 'for my health') that he eats straight junk right in front of me.  But he just gets annoyed that I cannot handle him eating in front of me.

We both just quit smoking right before Valentine's Day.  The way he eats food is like if I would light a cigarette in front of him and savor smoking it, while telling him that I would be disappointed if he was smoking.  Gah.

/rant

Well, because of his habits, I realized there is no way I'm going to successfully ever fast for a day, because as I get hungrier I get REALLY easily ticked off.  And I don't know how much more arguing either of us can take, so I need to not be annoyed at him 24/7.

 Plus, I've been doing this lifestyle for over 15 years, even though I took a 2 year break after suffering from refeeding syndrome in the Fall of 2007 and having a heart scare.  I know how my metabolism works.  Sure, I can fast for 1-3 days, but when I finally break the fast, there is a much higher chance of binging on large amounts of food, which derails the whole effort and actually hurts my weight loss efforts more because your metabolism slows during fasting.

I decided tonight that I will not ever actually fast all day.  Even if it is just a 200 calorie day, that is less likely to cause a binge than no calories at all.  Unfortunately, I broke my fast with a pack of 100 calorie Chips Ahoy. 

They are delicious.  And evil.  Last time I had them, two days ago, I ended up eating two bags and forcing myself to take a nap because I was about to eat everything in the kitchen.  I thought they saved me from a binge, but now I realize that they actually are a trigger for a binge.

Tonight I ate, and ate, and really couldn't stop myself.  I opened a bag of baked cheetos, and even though I read the back and saw a serving size is only 11 chips (what a rip-off, since cheetos are so small), I still ate handfuls - 44 in all.  My orange fingers betrayed me.

Total for Tuesday:
* Chips Ahoy Right Bites - 100 / 3
* 44 Baked Cheetos - 484 / 20 (so much fat for supposidly baked chips)
* Babybel Light cheese wedge - 50 / 3
* 100 calorie Honey Maid Chocolate Delight Bar - 100 / 3.5
* Snickers Kudos Bar - 100 / 3.5
* Banana - 105 / 0
* Plus the green tea, bite of carrot, and smidge of butter from earlier - 6.5 / .25

Grand total - 945.5 / 33.25

In the end, my calories were still under my daily goal, but that's only because I didn't eat until 11 pm tonight, and I ate all those calories in 1 hour and then forced myself to bed before I ate anything else.  I have a feeling the scale is going to jump upwards tomorrow.  :-(

Stay Strong Everyone,
~~ Lexi ~~